Look at the reading I included under MODULES regarding Love and Family Relationships in Adulthood.
Tell me three things you learned about adult FRIENDSHIPS based on that reading.
Psy 313 Lecture
Dr. Linda Gulyn
Social and Family Development
I.
Friendships
Friendships – core aspect of adult life
Positive emotion, need fulfillment, , interdependence,
Support each-other’s well-being
Reciprocity and mutuality – 2-way, care about each other
Resemble romantic relationships – intimacy, similarity
Very important for those who do not marry/have children
Women deeply involved in their friendships
Men – based on similarity
When parenting is over, or marriages are over
II.
Family Life Cycle
What is a family?…
Social scientists define families structurally in terms of who the family members are and
how they are related to one another.
They are also described functionally in terms of family activities and the role the family
plays in the lives of its members. Companionship, to socialize members. NAME SOME
(hint: think of your OWN family)
– protecting its members
– socializing children
– caring for elderly relatives
→ Derived from culture, some are self-imposed, some are ongoing, and some are specific
to the family’s life cycle stage.
Family life cycle has many different periods during which new developmental
tasks/challenges or issues arise. Must be resolved favorably.
DUVALL’S EIGHT-STAGE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE
1. Married couples (without children)
2. Childbearing families (oldest child, birth – 30
months)
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3. Families with preschool children (oldest
child, 2 ½ – 6 years)
4. Families with schoolchildren (oldest child 6 –
13 years)
5. Families with teenagers (oldest child 13 – 20)
6. Families launching young adults (first child
gone – last child gone)
7. Middle age parents (empty nest to retirement)
8. Aging family members (retirement to death of
a spouse)
Each member of the family might be involved in and dealing with many life cycles at the
same time! e.g., middle aged mother: launching children, involved in grandchildren, caring
for elderly parents
Family life cycle models are useful for describing the changes in traditional families, but
they do not explain the changes in nontraditional families, nor do they acknowledge
intergenerational relations.
II. Family Profiles
A. Marriage
90% of us in America will get married at least once.
Median age for first marriage is 25.1 for women; 26.8 for men. The highest ever!
Average marriage lasts 7 years.
First marriages that end in divorce in a few years and produce no children are called “starter
marriages.”
More than 40% of US marriages involve a second or subsequent marriage for the bride, groom or
both.
Rates of cohabitation, marriage, separation, divorce and remarriage vary greatly by race/ethnicity.
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B. Singlehood
Increasing number of adults are choosing to live along or delay marriage.
High divorce rate contributed to the number of adults living alone.
69 % of US children live with two parents. Varies with ethnic group.
Income from social security helps women live alone in old age. Women outlive men and are less
likely to remarry.
Women in high-status careers and men who are unemployed or in blue-collar occupations
are most likely to remain single. Women are better adjusted.
ASK: WHAT ARE SOME ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES TO BEING SINGLE?
C. Reduced family size and smaller households
Most US families have only 1 or 2 children.
Fewer chlildren and longer life expectancy has increased the EMPTY NEST period. Why?
D. Family Composition
More generations alive at the same time → increased life expectancy.
E. Middle-Generation Squeeze
“Sandwich generation”
Caught between competing demands to care for parents and children and deal with their personal
aspirations (e.g., women’s career demands). Returning adult children or frail elderly relatives.
* The number of intact nuclear families has declined significantly since 1960 (divorce, increase in
single parents who have never married). What happened to the traditional family?
III. Marriage and Alternatives
A. Romantic Love
Difficult to study scientifically ….
1. Passionate/Romantic Love: Emotional intensity, sate of complete absorbiton in
the other, confusion of feelings, tenderness and sexuality, elation and pain, anxiety and
relief, altruism and jealousy. Partner is perfect.
Constant fear relationship will end.
2.
Companionate Love: Long-term, deep, affectionate attachment between
two people. Lovers after romantic love, family members, best friends.
TRIANGUALR MODEL OF LOVE: STERNBERG
1. Intimacy: The closeness or bondedness of two people. Self-disclosure. Affection,
connectedness.
2. Passion: Physical drives, or emotional arousal associated with relationship. Relating to
sex and romance
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3. Decision/commitment: The cognitive element. The commitment and long-term
determination to maintain the love.
The components viewed as vertices of a triangle. The shape may vary. The importance of
the 3 components varies as a function of a variety of factors. e.g., passion – short-term,
intimacy/commitment – long-term.
Ideally, consummate love: High levels of three components.
→ Adjustment to marriage is usually very difficult. WHY?
→ Traditional Marriage enterprise vs. Egalitarian (peer) marriage. Traditional marriages are
more likely when only the husband is employed. Why? What’s up with the earning power
difference between the man and the woman?
B. Cohabitation and Same Sex Romantic Relationships
Cohabitation has risen dramatically, especially among well-educated, economically
advantaged young adults. It serves either as a preparation for marriage or as an
alternative to marriage, and it often includes divorced partners and their children.
Because American co-habitors tend to be less conventional than other people, their
marriages are more likely to fail.
Slightly more than ½ of all women aged 25-40 in the US have lived with a man outside
marriage. Most of them later marry their partner, but at any given time, about 10 percent
of all unmarried young women are currently cohabiting, and 10% have just broken up from
a cohabiting relationship.
Doesn’t necessarily benefit the partners. WHY?
– Finances aren’t as good.
– Less happy and healthy than married people are.
– more likely to be physically abusive relationships.
C. Benefits of Marriage
Married people tend to be happier than those who are unmarried.
Lower rates of psychological distress – emotional support. Especially for men.
What distinguishes good from not-so-good marriages?
– Affection
– enjoyable personal relations
– togetherness
– good parental role models
– similar personalities
– satisfaction with sexual relations.
– effective problem/conflict-solving skills
– ability for each partner to adjust to life transitions.
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Marriage satisfaction declines when children are born.
At all ages and stages in marriage, men tend to be more satisfied with marriage than women are.
Husband defensive behaviors place stress on wives. (stonewalling, withdrawal from conflict, being
nonexpressive when experiencing negative emotions.
WALLERSTEIN RESEARCH: Early Psychological Tasks of Marriage
III. Divorce and Widowhood
– Among couples who marry in the U.S., nearly one in three can expect to divorce 30%.
Most divorces occur within the first seven years of marriage.
– Divorce is highly stressful -second only to death of a spouse.
– Women who marry after a premarital birth or have a baby within 7 months after marriage
are more likely to divorce.
– After a divorce, people seem to need to rework their lives and identities. Whereas most
divorced people make adjustments to their new status, and eventually remarry, many have
a difficult time adjusting to divorce.
Midlife divorce is becoming a more common phenomenon, particularly as cultural attitudes
towards marriage and divorce become more flexible.
Reasons: Stress of midlife careers, extramarital affairs, differential growth of the marital
partners.
Marital discord: One spouse grows or deteriorates the other remains stable.
Cultural expectations change – Many got married at the “socially prescribed time”
Women who get married after age 30 have lower divorce rate than women who got married
in early 20s.
Divorce during middle age, as at any other time, is painful and is usually followed by
loneliness, self-doubt, mood swings, and many practical adjustments in living.
Most people who divorce in midlife do remarry. THESE MARRIAGES ARE EVEN MORE
LIKELY TO FAIL THAN THE FIRST MARRIAGE!
Widowhood – Loss of a spouse through death.
Because women tend to marry older men and because men die ealier than women,
widowhood is primarily a female phenomenon! Women live 15 years as widows!
Widowhood represents the single greatest loss suffered by the aging individual.
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Many women lose their husbands before the age of 60 — thus widowhood is often a middleage event.
Timing of events model: Remember, when events occur at the expected times, they are
less stressful than at “off times” – that is, early death of a spouse is extremely stressful.
Middle-age widows must deal with such problems as meeting new male companions,
starting new sexual relationships, maintaining old friendships, and adjusting to reduced
finances. Forming an identity as a widow! In addition to coping with the grief!
Families must REORGAINIZE.
Social support is SUPER IMPORTANT.
Of women over 75, 70% are widowed. There are more than 5X more older adult widows in
the US than widowers.
Widowers generally have greater income, education, freedom from health problems, and
access to more partner-like relationships than do widows. But they have more trouble
coping emotionally.
IV. Parenthood
Fertility is about 2.0 per woman.
The number of childless women aged 40 – 44 has doubled in the last 20 years. Why?
Career choices, greater acceptance of childlessness and the delay of parenthood and resulting loss of
fertility.
Parenthood is considered to be one of the most significant developmental tasks of adulthood. Why?
Affects definitions of the self, relationships with others and lifestyle.
This is how we develop generativity.
Birth of the first child represents a major transition in family life. Husband and wife → father and
mother! Others become grandparents, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc…
The arrival of an infant restricts parental activities and privacy, imposes a financial burden
on the family, and often disrupts the wife’s career.
However, if children are wanted and planned for, they can strengthen a marriage.
Fathers:
Present in the delivery room
Take time off from work after birth of child
Drop off and pick up children
Take to doctor’s appts
Not too much research on their role in child development. We do know that the father’s role is not at
the same level as the mothers.
Stay home or Work?
Staying home full time with children is NO LONGER the norm!
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Delayed Parenthood
Trend toward delayed parenthood, increasing number of women and men having babies after 35 (risks
involved). There are positives and negatives.
Lifestyle changes
Tremendous increase in work loads, as well as greater demands and increasing responsibilities.
Schedules must be reorganized. Physical living space changes.
Increase time with baby means less time with husband.
Social life changes A LOT.
Marital satisfaction
Research indicates that marital satisfaction decreases with the advent of the first child,
although it often increases again in later stages of family life.
Part of the problem has to do with expectations about parenthood not being accurate. Less
positive for mothers. Has a lot to do with the work load.
The Empty Nest + Parenting in Mid-life
For most parents, the “empty-nest” phase of the family life cycle represents freedom and is
experienced as a relief.
For some, the absence of their children is difficult to bear — part of their self-definition and
reason for living is gone.
Most women react positively to the “empty nest,” unless they have been exclusively
invested in their roles as mothers.
Some men have more negative reactions which may stem from regrets at not having spent
much time with their children when the children were younger.
Some adult children return to their family home after having been out on their own.
The Parent-Adult child relationship is a very interesting NEW LINE OF RESEARCH, since
we’re all living a lot longer.
Most of us are close to our parents are adults!
* In midlife, parents also try to assess if they’ve been “successful” as parents. Look at
achievements, happiness, educational and career success.
V. Grandparenthood
For the first time, it is more of a middle-age than an old-age event. The stereotype pretty
much is not appropriate.
Grandparents play an important role in the family system, offering emotional support, child
care, and advice on basic values, lifestyle, occupation, and parenting.
→ NOT ALL GRANDPARENTS ARE ALIKE, ARE THEY?
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Relationships with grandchildren vary considerably from one older adult to another, and
from culture to culture. Divorce of parents affects grandparenting, too.
Grandparents as Surrogate Parents
-arrangements when parents cannot parent their children. What are the reasons, cited in
your readings? All are tied to poverty.
It can be VERY difficult: Discuss why ______________________.
(health, social isolation, legal probs, stress)
Over 40% of the elderly have great-grandchildren!
VII. Siblings
Another really interesting area of research – ADULT SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS.
What makes them unique?
– Share genes
– you are “born into” these relationships which ALWAYS exist.
– share long history of family experiences, similar perspectives, values, points of
view.
– sibling relationships are more egalitarian, equal power.
How and why do sibling relationships change over time? Many older adults report
increased contact with and concern for siblings.
– During young and middle adulthood, these relationships were weaker. (concern for
other developmental tasks, such as marriage, career and children)
– Then, as you age, there is a mellowing and desire to resolve old conflicts, worry
about the health and well-being of the sibling, and greater need for support and assistance.
May come together to care for aging parents.
Researchers are excited about the possible ways sibs can support each other throughout
the end of life.
Psy 313 Lecture
Dr. Linda McKenna Gulyn
Social and Family Development
8
I.
II.
Friendships in Adulthood
Family Life Cycle
What is a family?…
DUVALL’S EIGHT-STAGE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE
III. Family Profiles
A. Marriage
B. Singlehood
C. Reduced family size and households
D. Family Composition
E. Middle-Generation Squeeze
IV. Marriage and Alternatives
A. Romantic Love
1. Passionate/Romantic Love:
2. Companionate Love:
TRIANGUALR MODEL OF LOVE: STERNBERG
B. Adjustment to marriage
C. Traditional Marriage enterprise vs.
Egalitarian (peer) marriage.
D. Cohabitation and Same Sex Romantic
Relationships
E. Benefits of Marriage
F. Wallerstein Research: The Early
Psychological Tasks of Marriage – Parts 1
and 2
V. Divorce and Widowhood
VI. Parenthood: Transitions, fathers, work,
delayed parenthood, impact on marriage and
“Empty Nest”
9
VII. Grandparenthood
VIII. Sibling Relationships
10
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